Positively Dangerous

Have you ever stopped think about how toxic positivity can be?  On the surface being a positive and happy all time is a great thing.  No one wants to feel the hard emotions like being sad but that doesn't make them any less important.

I remember the first time I saw the Pixar movie Inside Out and thinking to myself what a complete bully Joy was, especially in the way she treated Sadness.  The other emotions represented (Anger, Disgust, Fear) are all accepted but Sadness is pushed over to the side in an attempt to “protect” their girl Riley.  One of the greatest moments in the movie is toward the climax when Joy starts to realize that Sadness has an important purpose too.  And often times some of the core “Joy” moments came shortly after a “Sadness” moment.  It was in watching this movie that I not only started to better understand the different emotions but also loved how they showed the importance of all five core emotions: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust and Fear.

One of the greatest mistakes people make is by placing the labels of “positive” or “negative” when describing emotions and attempting stay focused solely on the “positive” feelings. The reality is that all feelings/emotions are valid and deserve to be treated as such. 

There have been a lot of memes and overly simplistic posts on social media circulating recently about the need to simply shift your negative mindset to one that’s more positive and everything in your life will suddenly turn into nothing but sunshine and puppies.

One in particular states: “Your NEGATIVE mindset sucks. Stop complaining about what’s missing from your life. Go and manifest the crap out of your dreams.”  From the outside this may sound encouraging and up lifting. But in reality it is a negative way of looking at the people they are referring to.  Life can be hard at times. Let’s face it at times, it does in fact suck and that’s ok. 

Instead of telling people to simply “stop complaining” about their lives we need to learn how to encourage them instead.  Provide them with the necessary tools, teach them the skills to make the shift to a more positive mindset and support them through their journey by first meeting them where they’re at and letting them set the pace.  It’s not as a simple as just deciding to think happy/positive thoughts. It requires hard work and support as you are learning the necessary skills to make the shift.  

The toxic positivity of telling people to:  Suck it up Buttercup, Just be happy, or Stop being so negative doesn’t actually help anyone but in fact often times causes greater harm.  On the surface these phrases may seem harmless and to some might even be seen as motivational.  But for others than can be completely demoralizing.  Especially for those who are working as hard as they know how to think positive thoughts but are plagued with negative self-talk.  Now there are skills that can be taught to help people with making that shift, but it’s not something that simply happens overnight.  It takes time, a lot of hard work and the support of those around them as they learn how to make that shift until eventually they find their negative filters slowly breaking down and turning to a more positive outlook on life.