Platinum Rule

When we were kids we were taught to follow the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have done unto you.  Makes sense right, to treat others the way you wanted to be treated. But what if it doesn’t really work that way?

Making the Shift

Over the years I’ve gotten better at ignoring “The Beast” but occasionally it still likes to come out and taunt me. Especially when I’m struggling with one thing or another and find myself in a dark space fighting just to make it through the day.  I’m come to expect its presence during these rough patches and while it’s tough fighting it’s voice but thankfully I’ve learned ways to cope with it.  

Hello, my name is...

Last March, I started the “Hello, my name is…” photo series as part of my first High Performance Leadership (HPL) project for Toastmasters.  For those of you unfamiliar with Toastmasters, it is an international non-profit organization that focuses on building better communication and leadership skills.  The purpose of the HPL project is create a project that allows you grow and improve your leadership skills through areas such as teambuilding, conflict management or in my case developing a vision.

The purpose of the “Hello, my name is…” project is to create a series of photos that illustrate the “Impact of Illness” stage of recovery and the effect of the stigma associated with mental illness. The series of photos will start with the individual’s name and the progress to show how their identity has taken away once they receive a diagnosis, including the derogatory slang terms often used and how the media portrays people with mental illness.  This is a self-directed process allowing each person the opportunity to share their own experiences.

The Power of Words

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.  That’s what we were taught when I was growing up.  The truth is that words are far more powerful than the simple nursery rhyme would have had us believe as children. Words have the ability to break a person’s spirit and impact the way the way she view’s herself.  But words can also be used heal and empower us to believe we can be the best version of our self.

Positively Dangerous

Have you ever stopped think about how toxic positivity can be?  On the surface being a positive and happy all time is a great thing.  No one wants to feel the hard emotions like being sad but that doesn't make them any less important.

I remember the first time I saw the Pixar movie Inside Out and thinking to myself what a complete bully Joy was, especially in the way she treated Sadness.  The other emotions represented (Anger, Disgust, Fear) are all accepted but Sadness is pushed over to the side in an attempt to “protect” their girl Riley.  One of the greatest moments in the movie is toward the climax when Joy starts to realize that Sadness has an important purpose too.  And often times some of the core “Joy” moments came shortly after a “Sadness” moment.  It was in watching this movie that I not only started to better understand the different emotions but also loved how they showed the importance of all five core emotions: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust and Fear.

 How are you doing today? 

This seemingly meaningless question may not seem like a big deal to some people, but I fear it.  In part because I’ve never sure whether people actually want to know the answer or if they are simply asking because it’s a standard greeting.  And honestly, not sure which is harder to answer.

I have been taught that the polite thing to say is “I’m good” or some other variation because in general the person asking doesn’t really expect an answer or want to know how you’re really feeling in the moment.

Speech Video

Yesterday marked the 9-year anniversary of my last suicide attempt. It was also the 9-year anniversary of when I lost Tiberious Bones (T-Bone) Last night I had the opportunity to give a speech at Jokers Wild Toastmasters. I spoke my truth and shared my story about what led up to the attempt and some what occurred afterwards. It was cathartic but also a bit draining. But I'm beyond thankful that I am still here and able to 
share my story.

Breaking Point

On June 13, 2010, my world fell apart.  It was a Sunday morning. That fateful morning, I got the phone call that would change the course of my life forever, my sweet, lovable pup, Tiberius Bones (T-Bone for short) had passed away during the night. 

The Beast

Living in recovery is not always easy.  There are days when I am ready to throw in the towel and say the hell with it. There have been times when it felt like I would never be good enough. When the self-doubt creeps and I find myself thinking that it doesn’t matter how hard I work, I will always fall short of my goals. Those are the days I dread, especially when the old tapes start playing in a loop in my head, the darkness returns and The Beast starts to regain control.

Running for the Goal

There are two things that have helped me get through life: art and sports. Art provide a way to express myself and helped me to communicate with the world when I didn’t have the words. Sports gave me a chance to feel like I belonged somewhere.

Growing up we moved around a lot due to my father’s job.  By the time, I was thirteen years old we have moved twelve times and I had gone to six different schools between kindergarten and eighth grade.  One of the hardest parts about moving around as much as we did was that I was constantly the “new kid” at school and I had really hard time trying to fit in. But even though I was never a star athlete, sports gave me the chance to be a part a team and a place to belong.

Life Lessons

In September 2016, I attempted my first half marathon which unfortunately I wasn’t able to complete.  After the race I found myself struggling to come terms with what had happened.  Not simply the fact that I wasn’t able to achieve the goal I set for myself but also the loss of someone I had considered to be a close friend.  I was hurting not only physically but also mentally and emotionally.  I was discouraged because I wasn’t able to finish the race.  I wanted it.  I had worked hard and trained for months to prepare for it.  But in the end, I still came up short of my goal even though it was the farthest distant I had ever run before and it hurt like hell not being able to cross the finish line and bring home my shiny finisher’s medal. When combined with some other things that transpired afterward, well I found myself going to a dark place. It was a rough weekend, but I’ve never regretted doing it. 

The race was at Camp Lejeune in Jacksonville, NC which made for a LONG drive home the day after. One of the greatest advantages to long drives, especially when I’m alone in the car is that it provides me with an ample amount time to think things over.  Here are some of the “Life Lessons” I discovered as a result of what initially felt like a complete failure: 

Messages of Hope

In November 2014, I got the opportunity to attend the Georgia Peer Support Institute (GPSI), where I learned about more mental health recovery and the basis of peer support services.  It was an amazing learning experience and the start of my journey toward becoming a Certified Peer Specialist.

One of the expectations at the completion of the training is to complete a community-based project based on one of the principles learned at GPSI. There were plenty of options to choose from, but I decided to focus on the "Walking Miracle" exercise, where peers learn how to share about the recovery journey.  At training I had the opportunity to share part of my own journey but felt really self-conscious and overwhelmed because at the time speaking to people, even in a one-on-one scenario, was intimidating.  I realized that I couldn’t be the only one who felt that way.  There had to be others who wanted the chance to share their stories but didn’t feel comfortable speaking about it so I decided to create a project that would allow people the opportunity to share their stories through art instead.  I assembled a diverse group of peers and asked them each the same question: “What does recovery mean to you?” Then we organized a photo shoot where they were share their stories while I captured answers with the camera.