Imagine for a moment that you have lost your voice. You still have the same thoughts. The same feelings. Only now you have no way to share them with others. Simple things most people take for granted, like making eye contact or understanding social cues, are confusing so you retreat back into yourself. There are times when you want to engage with others, to be a part of the group but the fear of not being able to express yourself holds you back.
I’ve been living with mental illness most of my life, and at times it leaves me in a dark place. Emotions confuse me, and I don’t always know how to properly express them. A few years ago, I had a great therapist named Joyce. Often times when she asked how I was feeling the only response I could give her was a blank, deer in headlights stare. Thankfully she had a special deck of cards that not only gave the names of different emotions, but also had pictures to describe what those emotions were supposed to look like. Using those cards, I could pick out the pictures that described what I was feeling and together we would decide whether the emotion attached was really what I was feeling. Joyce helped me to better understand that images could be used to communicate.
I took what I learned from her and started capturing a series of self-portraits to show people what I was thinking and feeling when I was unable to find the right words to express myself. Joyce had opened up a way for me to interact with people without having to engage socially. I could simply share my photos with others and let the images speak for me. I finally started to find a voice through art.
Finding a way to share the dark images that often plague my mind allowed me the freedom to let go of them. It provided me with the courage to tell the stories that people wanted to avoid hearing.
The first time I really attempted this was through my photo essay, “Breaking Point” which follows the journey of a young man as he is contemplating suicide. He hides in shadows wanting to be seen but is unsure of how to reach out until he turns away and starts the dark journey toward the attempt. As the story progresses the images start becoming darker until you see him with a handful of pills and your left to wonder what he does next. This was part of my story. In 2010, I had a suicide attempt that came very close to completion. I had tried to reach out the night before only to be turned away. I was able to share that story through photos without having to actually talk about it. Thankfully, my story didn’t end there. Neither does the photo essay. It starts again in the same place. The young man hiding in the shadows wanting to reach out but unsure how. The difference is, this time someone sees him and follows him as walks down the dark path. She is able to intervene and knock the pills out of his hand and together they reach out for help. The images slowly start to get lighter as she helps lighten his load and by the end he is a part of the group because someone saw and provide the hope and strength he needed to keep going.
The first time I really attempted this was through my photo essay, “Breaking Point” which follows the journey of a young man as he is contemplating suicide. He hides in shadows wanting to be seen but is unsure of how to reach out until he turns away and starts the dark journey toward the attempt. As the story progresses the images start becoming darker until you see him with a handful of pills and your left to wonder what he does next. This was part of my story. In 2010, I had a suicide attempt that came very close to completion. I had tried to reach out the night before only to be turned away. I was able to share that story through photos without having to actually talk about it. Thankfully, my story didn’t end there. Neither does the photo essay. It starts again in the same place. The young man hiding in the shadows wanting to reach out but unsure how. The difference is, this time someone sees him and follows him as walks down the dark path. She is able to intervene and knock the pills out of his hand and together they reach out for help. The images slowly start to get lighter as she helps lighten his load and by the end he is a part of the group because someone saw and provide the hope and strength he needed to keep going.
Initially, “Breaking Point” was only a series of images that told my story for me. But as I was able to share it with others there was an unintended consequence…
I was able to start talking about my experiences and my slowly my confidence started to grow. I was able to use my voice with the help of art.
Everyone here has mental health, and according to the statistics provided by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)that nearly one out of five adults are also dealing with the challenges of mental illness. You might find it difficult to share your experiences with people, afraid that they will judge because be of it. We all have different strengths and challenges that we need to overcome. Art gave me a way to share my thoughts and feelings with others. I have learned how to express myself through images. With my camera I’ve been able to share parts of my story which helped me gain the confidence to speak up. I found a voice through art and you can too.
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