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Wednesday, November 27, 2019

Two years ago I did a "Thankfulness" photo project.  The idea was to create a list of the things I was thankful for and then each day grab the camera and create a series of photos to illustrate them.  At times it was a little more difficult than anticipated.  There were days where I wasn't up to the challenge so I skipped them and came back later to play "catch up".  By the end of November 2017, I had series of photos that represented the things I was thankful for that year.


Looking back at some of those photos it's interesting to see how many of them are still a part of my life while others have fallen to the wayside.  It's not that I'm any less thankful simply that they are no longer part of my journey for one reason or another.

One thing does stick out though, is there are some that felt a little forced and looking back I question why I included them in the list.  I think the reason is because on some level because I felt like I "needed" to include them because the relationships were part of my journey and there was a sense of obligation to feel "grateful" for their presence in my life.

Not exactly warm and fuzzy feelings today but an honest look at my life and the pressure I've often felt to look past my true feelings because of what I was taught I should feel instead.  Feelings are messy and one thing I've started to understand over the last few months is that they can also contradict one another.

Not entirely sure any of this makes sense but one thing I promised myself when I started this blog was to be honest with myself and whoever happens to read this.  And as I sit here and reflect upon the last year and prepare for Thanksgiving these are my thoughts.

The past week has a been a rough one.  We had to lay my mom's dog, Balou, to rest a week ago and dealing with the mixed emotions brought up by the loss.  In particular the guilt and anger from previous pups I've lost over the years.  Also concerned about Max and how he is processing his own grief.


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