Recovery Defined

What exactly is recovery? 

 

According to SAMSHA, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, “Recovery is a process of change through which people improve their health and wellness, live self-directed lives, and strive to reach their full potential.”  SAMSHA also identified 4 key components they attribute as necessary to support someone’s recovery: health, home, purpose and community. 

 

When you do a quick Google search for the word recovery, you will find slightly different definition:

1. a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.

2. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.

I’ve spent a good amount of time over the last several months really thinking about what recovery means to me.  My goal: find a way to explain recovery to others so they can better understand it.  I’m also looking for a way to define this for myself so I can recognize where I’m at in my own recovery journey.  

 

In December 2014, I had the opportunity to attend training to become a Certified Peer Specialist.  I learned how to use my life experience to support others in their recovery journeys and help bridge the gap between providers and peers.  It was there that I was introduced to the story of Patricia Deegan. Her experience was used to explain the process of long-term recovery for those living with a chronic illness or injury (whether related to their physical or mental health).  Through Patricia’s story, the journey is divided into 5 stages that at the time I believed created a linear experience.

 

In the past, I thought as a person completed each stage, they “leveled up” until eventually arriving at their final destination.  Once I successfully managed to hit that final stage, I would be “normal,” no longer struggle and be able to reach my full potential. Over the years as I have come to learn more and gain a better understanding of my own recovery, I’ve started to realize recovery is a journey and not a destination.  

 

·    Impact of Illness- The initial impact stage where your life is suddenly disrupted by an illness or injury.  It is my belief that during this stage people lose their identity in large part because those around them start to treat them differently.  

 

In my personal journey this often occurs after people initially discover that I am living with mental illness.  Suddenly, I am no longer a person.  I have transformed into their preconceived notions of what the diagnosis is as a result of the stigma associated with mental illness.

 

·       Life is Limited- This is the stage where people have given up.  No longer do they believe they are capable of doing what they did before because they have accepted the limitations of the illness or injury.  

 

The darkness starts to creep in and take control.  It’s in this place where the pain becomes overwhelming that I have found myself turning to self-injury as a way to cope because it was easier to endure physical pain than to process through all of the emotional and mental trauma.  It is in this place where I found myself consumed by darkness and struggled with suicidal thoughts that led to multiple attempts.  

 

·      Change is Possible- It is hard to define the exact moment when this stage occurs, but it is when someone begins to recognize that things can get better.  That change is in fact possible.  They start to realize they no longer have to be limited by their circumstances but instead can find ways to adapt to the world around them.

 

That initial spark of hope is an amazing and terrifying experience.  I have always had a hard time with hope because it’s such a fragile thing and when it’s lost its devasting.  Over the course of the last year, my perspective on hope has slowly started to shift as I began to gain a better understanding of it as I’ve grown closer in my relationship with God.  It’s still scary for me yet I’m slowly learning to trust in Him more as I learn more about His true character and accepting myself in the process.

·      Commitment to Change- Once the possibility of change is recognized people begin to explore the possibilities before them instead of accepting the limitations they once believed to be their only option. 

 

From my experience it’s between these 2 stages most people associate with the beginning of the recovery journey.  In reality, it starts with the initial impact.  It is at this point where the second definition from Google seems to fit the best. The process of regaining control over my life and believing I was capable of living a productive life.

·      Actions for Change- This is the stage where people take on more responsibility and start to rebuild their lives and regain their independence.  

 

This has always been a difficult stage to define for myself.  Even as I work to overcome faulty filters and grow closer in my relationship with God, I still have my doubts about the future.  I also know that I have been actively working toward my goals and learning to accept myself.

 

When I initially learned about the “5 Stages of Recovery,” I believed this was the shining beacon on the hill.  Once I reached the “Actions” stage I would have it all together, no longer plagued by my own self-doubts.  I have since come to realize that it is not reality, and it’s ok to struggle with self-doubt as long as I don’t allow myself to get trapped there.  I have started to realize that recovery isn’t a linear journey.  There are days when I push past the self-doubt and know that I have a future.  Then there are still days when the darkness creeps back in and I struggle with the old self-injury urges and suicidal thoughts.   At the end of the day, I’m still not sure how to clearly define recovery for myself but I think this is a good start.